Mendolonium

For the second week in a row Thomas has lost all desserts and sweets.  On Saturday he enjoyed a brief window of sugary happiness in which we baked and ate brownies together before having his dessert privileges revoked again for refusing to follow our instructions.  Today, both Anna and Theodore were sleeping and free from the interference of a crying baby and a destructive preschooler Thomas asked to play a board game.  I was happy to oblige but I was quite exhausted and really, really wanted a brownie pick-me-up.  Normally I would cut Thomas a square too, to enjoy during our game, but he had lost his desserts.  So as not to rub salt in Thomas’ wound, I thought about waiting for my brownie until the kids were asleep tonight but I really wanted one right then and there dammit!  So I told Thomas to set up the game and I got myself a big hunk of brownie, heated it up, and topped it with whipped cream (I don’t mess around with dessert).  Thomas was incredulous when I sat down and ate the brownie right in front of him.

So what do you think:  is he going to be crying to his therapist whist stuffing his face with brownies 20 years from now or will he think harder about the consequences of his behavior from now on?

This is my first week where I have days alone with three small human beings to care for.  It went better than expected; partly because I live my life by the mantra of “Keep your expectations low and you won’t be disappointed.”  There was a day where everyone under the age of six decided to poo in their pants (and at this point Anna’s the one for whom that is acceptable).  The cat, not to be upstaged by mere humans, also decided to poo on the living room floor.  But this week also saw Thomas be phenomenally helpful, Theodore give me a spontaneous “I love you” nearly every day, and Anna actually go to bed two nights in a row without crying.

Thomas knows that I keep a journal for each child that I write in periodically.  He also knows that I “do some writing on the computer”.  (Something tells me that he will be a blogger one day; if we aren’t all socially networked to each other by chips in our brains by the time he is a teenager.)  Tonight as I was putting the boys to bed Thomas asked me to write about him (and then added that I should write about Theo too) so I thought I would oblige.

Thomas…

Thomas has consistently been winning the on-going contest of “most challenging child in the family” for the past several weeks.  This week’s bad behavior highlight:  telling me to “shut my mouth” when I told him to put on his shoes for a walk (oh the cruelty of forcing my child to walk three blocks with me to the mailbox in 80 degree weather!).  In return for his disrespect he had all sweets taken away for one week.  And he was treated to learning a new word “grounded”.  As in if he ever says that to me again he will not go anywhere but school for one week and when he’s at home he will not get any TV and will have to go to bed directly after dinner.  I am 100% supportive of him expressing his feelings, but he will do so in a respectful manner – or else.  In another transgression Thomas lost the use of his Legos for a week.  Perhaps remembering the consequences of bad behavior, the rest of this week has been pretty darn great.  He has been incredibly helpful with Theodore – for the most part, playing nicely with him while I comforted the ever-fussy Anna.  At lunchtime yesterday Theo finished eating his beloved Snappea crisps before Thomas (a rare and favorite item in our house) and threw himself a tantrum when I denied him more.  I told Theo that I had given him and Thomas the exact same amount (I counted) but he was not to be consoled.  Thomas sighed and very generously handed Theo his last two Snappea crisps.  Thomas is now reading to Theodore which is utterly adorable.  And during a rare and beautiful half hour where both Anna and Theodore were asleep at the same time I sat down and taught him multiplication which he picked up quickly.

Theodore…

Theodore, my amazing, perfect, sent-from-heaven, sleeper has been waking up the middle of the night yelling about needing help with his blanket.  Because although he is quite capable of climbing into my bed and pulling my covers over his head to play hide and seek he is, apparently, incapable of pulling his own blanket over himself in the middle of the night.  Under the category of awesome Theo has developed a passion for “bake with Mama?”.  I am not sure if it is the one-on-one time together or the opportunity to lick the beater that has suddenly ignited his culinary fires, but I am having a lot of fun with my new baking buddy.  Theodore has also, for a couple of months now, been complaining that he misses me while at school.  So in what might prove to be insanity I decided to pull Theodore out of school one day a week so that he is now home with me three days a week.  (Thomas will still go to school three days a week.)  The truth is I miss him too.  I also know that as my middle child Theodore gets the short end of the stick when it comes to one-on-one time with me.  He is more talkative and creative when he is the only child around and I want to enjoy that side of him.

Anna…

In addition to “Sunshine” Anna’s other nickname is “Fussypants”.  We joke constantly about her fussypants as if they were an actual, pair (or pairs) of attire.  Mocking our baby’s fussiness with rather juvenile humor helps keep us sane when we’re swaddling and walking her to sleep for the tenth time in a day.  I particularly enjoyed this exchange:

Jeff:  How was she today?

Me:  Well this morning was great; she was smiling and talkative for about 20 minutes; her fussypants were in the laundry.  But then they came out of the dryer and she put them on.  Apparently they had shrunk so she was extra fussy the rest of the day.

Jeff:  Nothing’s worse than a tight pair of fussypants.  Why are you letting a newborn choose their own pants anyway…why don’t you just put a pair of happypants on her?

Me:  We didn’t get any.  And they don’t sell them at Target.

We also call Anna “the baby stick” because when she’s all swaddled up tight (which given her fussiness is most of the time) she seems to me like a little stick with a cute baby head attached to the top.  Despite her general crankiness I am actually finding her quite awesome.  When she’s awake and happy she is very chatty and gives me that adoring smile that babies often seem to reserve for their mothers – the one where they look up at you and grin at you like you are a god.   Finding out what my kids are thinking is absolutely one the highlights of parenting older children.  I’m excited at the idea that it won’t be too long before Anna tells me, vociferously I am sure, what her thoughts on life are.

Me…

I love being on maternity leave.  My days with Anna alone are actually very relaxing.  I suspect that Anna might be a night-owl like her Mama and her biggest brother.  Most days after we finally get her to sleep; she sleeps and nurses all night long without much complaint, finally waking at the deliciously late hour of 9:30 am or so.  As long as I stay in bed with her and nurse her on demand she stays happy and content and I am getting eight hours of (interrupted, but hey I have a newborn – I’m not complaining!) sleep every night.  It has also been surprisingly helpful to my sanity that Jeff bought me a one pound box of See’s chocolates for Christmas.  I hid said box in my nightstand and whenever I start fantasizing about running away to a land without children I sneak into the bedroom and eat a chocolate.  And you know what, that helps quite a lot.  Do you have any secret coping mechanisms when life gets rough?  I promise I won’t tell.

So I’ve decided that Anna’s new nickname is “Sunshine”.  You’re probably thinking it’s because of her new talent for smiling and her winning personality.  Well she does have a fantastic smile and you could definitely say she’s got spunk but I’ve been calling her Sunshine for the sarcastic value.  Because my Anna is, by far, the fussiest of my three children.  Thomas was supremely difficult but he actually didn’t cry much as long as he was swaddled, bounced, and/or nursed more or less constantly (and yes, sometimes I had to nurse him while he was swaddled while I was bouncing on a yoga ball).  Theo was such an easy baby I was convinced something was wrong with him for weeks.  I just couldn’t understand how he could fall asleep on his own when he was tired.  What awesome madness! I think it is highly probable that Miss Anna has cried more in her six weeks than our other two children did their first year – combined.  She usually doesn’t seem to be uncomfortable or in pain; she just seems pissed.  Anna fusses when she’s being held (which is 90% of the day) and on her play mat.  She fuses in her sleep.   The girl even fuses sometimes while nursing!   When something is really wrong; a wet diaper, hungry, or has to burp the fussing changes into outright wails of fury.  Yesterday she was clearly working through a growth spurt – nursing every 40 minutes, seeming exhausted, and she was so very, very annoyed by the whole process.  Thomas even commented, “Our baby is so cute…and she is so fussy.”  I think can already see the good side of fussy though – she is determined.  At four weeks old Anna was rolling (angrily) from her back onto her side.  She swats at toys hanging over her or next to her with excellent accuracy and gusto.  Anna is not to be trifled with.

When Baby Girl started turning from breech to head down to transverse and back again and again in utero I had a strong foreshadowing that this one was going do things her own way.  I knew that all those “Girls are so much calmer and easygoing.” comments that I got were full of shit.  But you know what…it’s ok.  She’s actually so fussy it’s funny.  I think she’s pretty awesome and I wouldn’t want any baby but my little Sunshine.

I realize that the calendar says that this is the second day of the new year, but here in Pasadena it feels like today is the real beginning of the new year.  You see while Pasadena usually goes all out with the Rose Parade every January 1st, the parade is never held on a Sunday and so this year the parade had to wait until a Monday, January 2nd.  Although the parade is about as far from environmentally friendly as possible, I rather enjoy a ridiculous display of flowers shaped into objects on moving vehicles  along with marching bands and random assortments of people on horses.  I was supposed to be at the parade this morning.  Every year Pasadena residents can enter a lottery for Rose Parade tickets in the official grandstands at the beginning of the parade route.  I’ve entered every year for the past nine years and this year I finally won!  Four tickets, perfect of our little family.  But as I stood up and swaddled and sushed and bounced my fussy baby to sleep again and again this past weekend I realized that I was probably going to have to spent the entire time at the parade walking behind the grandstands with Anna.  And you know what, that’s just not worth getting up at 5:30 am and walking 2.7 miles.  I am a little sad though; Thomas and Theo are so excited.  Theo’s never been to the parade and I would have really enjoyed seeing his amazement and hearing his little voice say “Wow!” over and over again at the sight of the floats; and I am sure he will be dancing to the music of the bands.  But overall this situations typifies my first New Year’s resolution:  to soak up my baby.  Anna is clearly a sensitive soul and completely loses her little marbles in loud, chaotic situations.  (Gee, I wonder where she gets this from says her mother who has a tendency to retreat into a corner with a book at parties).  But before I get ahead of myself with new resolutions I like to look back at the ones I made last year.

1. Make more chocolate mousse:  I only made chocolate mousse a couple of times in 2011.  A big part of that had to do with me being pregnant; as soon as sperm meets egg I lose my sweet tooth.  I’ll just have to make chocolate mousse twice as often in 2012 to make up for it.
2. Take risks:  I thought that this would be the hardest, yet most important resolution for me to keep and I am quite rightly proud of myself for keeping it.  I took a huge leap and started pastry school.  I would have finished too if those running the damned school hadn’t fired and failed to pay our excellent chef-instructors.  Ah well, I got in enough classes to figure out that the life of a professional chef is not right for me.  I also spent many hours over the summer interning for a great start-up, mapping out local farmers markets, photographing markets and farms, interviewing farmers and food artisans, and writing blog posts.  The experience was great and I learned something totally new about myself – I loved taking photographs of the farms and market and beautiful food and animals – and I was quite good at it too.  And the biggest, most unexpected risk of all was adding a third child to our family. A risk that I could not be happier about the outcome.
3. Exercise at least three times a week:  I didn’t keep an exact tally (although I thought about it – I do love a good spreadsheet) I did a good job of fulfilling this resolution.   I kept running on the couch to 5K program until I was 17 weeks pregnant and until and kept going to Cardio Barre twice a week until I was 36 weeks pregnant. I’ve never been more than a few feet away from Anna yet but once we can convince her to take a bottle the first time I leave her, will be to go to Cardio Barre.
4. Go karaoke:  Fail.  I did not karaoke, but I did do some country line dancing at a friend’s wedding.  That was awesome and brought back some fond high school memories of driving to Lincoln (Nebraska) on Saturday nights to go country dancing.
5. Take a college class:  I tried! finding an available class – given all the budget cuts to education and limited classes at the local community colleges and Cal States made this impossible.  While I was accepted to enroll at a couple of local colleges, as a non-degree student, by the time I was allowed to register the classes were entirely full.  This means I am most likely going to have to decide on exactly what program I want to pursue and then just take the plunge!

For this year I thought about simply making the resolution to keep us all alive and reasonably clean and well-fed.  Today was my first day alone with all three kids for the entire day and as much as I love our family three kids is going to be tough, very tough.  It feels like someone is always crying (thankfully it’s not usually me), someone is always awake, and someone is always bored.  That said, Jeff is holding the baby so I can type the rest of this post with two hands (such a luxury!) so I should come up with a few good ones:

1. Soak up my baby:  Anna is almost certainly our last child and just want to soak up every minute of her babyhood.  She is a fussy little thing (I think that I actually call her “Fussypants” far more often than “Anna”) and I think it’s entirely possible that she has cried more in her six weeks that the boys did in all of their first year – combined.  But…knowing that Anna is my last baby makes all of her fussiness so much easier.  I often find myself thankful even for her middle of the night wakings.  I look at her nursing by the light of my ipod and I am just so happy she is here.  I am going to enjoy her babyhood.
2. Find my non-childbearing body:  I have been pregnant and/or nursing since February 2006 and while I expect to be nursing for at least another year – hopefully more – I am ready to find my new, healthy body.  I don’t expect or even want my pre-pregnancy body back, but I do want to be healthy, strong, and to look good.  I feel like I am off to a good start..the first 20 pounds of pregnancy weight are already gone.  Yea for nursing!
3. Learn to use my camera and research digital SLR cameras:  I’ve known since Thomas was a baby that I enjoy photographing and editing pictures of the kids and the garden but I learned this summer that I am actually a pretty good photographer.  I want to develop my skills and see where it takes me.  This resolution will be a challenge for me.  I am generally an old curmudgeon when it comes to technology
4. Spend one-on-one time with each child every day:  This will be easy with Anna (again, yea for nursing!), but perhaps sometimes challenging for each boy.  Even if it’s only five minutes reading a story while Jeff wrangles the other two kids, this is important for the happiness of the entire family.
5. Find a cause I am passionate about and engage politically:  It won’t be hard to find a cause…could be breastfeeding, informed childbirth, maternal/child health, protection of open space, public education reform.  But with three young children I need to find something that I can make a meaningful contribution to that doesn’t take me away from my kids too much (see resolutions #1 and #4).
6. Emphasize experiences over material goods:  I can’t remember exactly what I got each boy for their birthday or Christmas last year but I have fantastic memories of our trip to Disneyland, music classes with Theodore, camping in the Sequoia National Forest, the boys finger painting naked in the backyard.  With the help of some generous relatives we now have memberships to The Huntington, Kidspace, the Arboretum, and the Aquarium – we have no excuse (OK – maybe one named Anna) not to get out and experience life.

Do you have any resolutions for the year?