Happy
When you tell people that you are expecting your third child after two boys the first thing you often hear after “Congratulations” is “Are you hoping for a girl?” I hated this question because, quite frankly, I didn’t have a simple “yes” or “no” answer. The truth was that I was just plain excited to be having another baby and that what I wished most was that she or he be healthy and happy. But the truth was also that I loved the idea of having a daughter: the challenge of raising a strong, confident young woman, the fun of shopping for girl’s clothes, the idea someday sharing “girl talk”. And then I thought of three little boys – and although many people expressed horror at the idea of three energetic little boys under one roof, I rather liked the idea. I have had a wonderful time as the mother to two boys and I think that the stereotypical play of little boys – running around outside, playing in the dirt suits me quite well (although I could live without their delight in picking up every single bug they find). I could envision both futures: two brothers and a sister or three brothers and I looked forward to the idea of both; while knowing that only one was possible.
Two weeks ago we had a detailed ultrasound and had the opportunity to find out our future. And, for a moment, I didn’t want to find out if I held a little boy or a little girl; I felt a bittersweet wave of longing for both futures. That thought was a wonderful gift; I knew that whatever gender our baby might be, I would be happy. I didn’t want the moment of finding out to take place in a cold doctor’s office while I lay on a table so we had the ultrasound technician write down the baby’s gender on a card to open later and when we opened it we read:
Girl
And I felt a surge of happiness and excitement take hold of me that hasn’t left yet. I feel so incredibly lucky to have my beautiful family of Jeff, Thomas, Theo, and now a baby girl.
June 26th, 2011 at 5:45 am
Gina: We now will have a little gril to spoil and to watch grow up, the two boys will love their little sister, We are excited for you and the family. As Yoda said, “tough and Smart she will have to be” around those two boys and with you and Jeff helping them to grow she will be.
May the force be with you for the next 5 1/2 months with all the joy and fun the boys will have knowing they have a little sister on the way. Mom is already thinking about little girl things.
All out love PAPA Dave and Grand Ma Marie
June 26th, 2011 at 1:06 pm
Exciting news! I wonder if someone needs to publish a book of etiquitte on how to talk with expectant families. We decided not to find out the gender of our first child until she was born, but that didn’t stop EVERYONE from asking whether we were having a boy or girl. Of course when we told them that we were going to be surprised for the first one, we’d get a head tilt, an “Aw, that’s nice”, and a “I wish more people did that”. Which of course made us wonder, if you think more people should be surprised, why are you asking???
June 26th, 2011 at 4:36 pm
ok, so I was totally that “hoping for a girl?” person once. Last summer (after I’d had Evelyn), we were at an event at my elementary school and I saw a guy I knew and his wife who was pregnant. They were there with their four (!) boys. I thought to myself, “don’t say it, say congratulations, don’t say ‘hoping for a girl?’” and then I opened my mouth and guess what came out – uh, yeah. I decided to cut my losses by shutting up and smiling but she shrugged and said, “yeah” and I knew that I was probably the 80th person who had said that to her. I felt so crappy.
At the time, Evelyn was still completely bald and so my “punishment” was to have complete strangers constantly compliment how cute my “son” was, despite the fact that she was wearing a pink sweatshirt, etc. Did I care? Not at all. I would much prefer people compliment me and my child on anything than give me evil stares. In fact, the whole experience of being pregnant and having a physically gender ambiguous child for a time (even still, people think she’s a boy) has made me wish that everyone could just be a little less wound around the axle on this issue and be more appreciative of well-meaning comments from onlookers. Sure, there are nasties spread here and there, but the vast majority of people are kind-hearted and those of us who can’t keep our feet out of our mouth don’t like being lumped in with the folks who truly try to impose their values on others.
June 27th, 2011 at 3:20 pm
Gina, I happened upon your blog by searching for “kindergarten tours” when we were looking for schools for my 5-year-old son – we are also in SoCal, and your posts about exactly what you observed and what you thought were very enlightening! I liked your writing about your family and your garden so much that I subscribed.
I have three young children, and I felt exactly the same way about whether they were boys or girls while in utero. We never found out at the ultrasounds, and it was because I wanted to extend the time when we had both possibilities, little boy or little girl. I liked imagining both futures. (For the record, they turned out to be boy, girl, girl. And I love having three!)
June 28th, 2011 at 8:34 pm
Perfectly said! When I was pregnant, each time, I wanted to know ASAP, mostly so that I could stop having the two parallel futures playing out in my head and get right on the business of grieving the loss of one of them. It was especially hard in my second pregnancy, because I knew she was my last and that meant no boys ever. But now I know, if we were to have another, I would be SO PSYCHED about either a boy or a girl and I would have to say as much to the “hoping for a boy” people. People are just so desperate for something easy to say, and there is nothing easier than that!
June 29th, 2011 at 11:06 am
We are so excited that another baby is coming into our family. I must admit though that when I found out that you were having a girl I got a big smile thinking about baby girl clothes and bows and the idea of Thomas and Theo being big brothers and protective over their little sister. Please give hugs and kisses to the boys and a nice belly rub to our new baby girl.