Nurse In
I last spoke with my grandmother, my mother’s mother, the year before I had children. My grandmother, who had suffered from dementia for years, sat next to me on a couch as I explained to her who I was. Her eyes lit up as she recognized that I was Gina, the same girl with the dark brown eyes and long eyelashes, that she remembered as a baby. She asked about whether I was married and had any children. I introduced her to Jeff and told her, that we didn’t have any children yet but that they were definitely in our future. She recounted, proudly, to me the names of her own five children, adding softly “and one that was still born”. Then she added emphatically, “And I nursed all of them. You be sure you nurse your babies.”
I never realized how fortunate I was to come from an unbroken maternal line of mothers, grandmothers, and beyond who had nursed their babies. My mother breastfed all of us and being six years older than my sister I can distinctly recall my mother settling down on the couch to nurse rambunctious little baby Sara. I remember asking my mother how nursing worked, why she would switch the baby from one side to another and how she knew when the baby had had enough. My mother-in-law too spoke fondly of nursing her babies and expressed that the time went too quickly. Once we began to plan seriously for having children I researched the best place to give birth, what car seat to buy, infant and child brain development; but I never gave any thought to whether or not I would nurse and the benefits of breastfeeding. I didn’t need to. For me, nursing my babies wasn’t a decision I made consciously, but simply a normal part of being a mother.
Nursing in public has been a prominent topic in the media over the past few months. A mother in was kicked out of a Target store for nursing her infant. Locally, a mother at the Los Angeles County Museum of Art was told to cover up or stop nursing her daughter. (The height of irony given that the museum displays multiple works of art depicting nudity.) And then there was the infamous magazine cover.
I might have grown up in a family where nursing was normal, but I still remember the stress of those first few times nursing a baby in public. One the first times was when Thomas was about three weeks old. I hadn’t been out of the house but twice in those three weeks and I was going crazy. Thomas – in the fine tradition of all Mendolo children – hated the car seat and I couldn’t bear to put him in it to go anywhere. After I dissolved into a flood of tears one afternoon, Jeff took charge of my hormonal self and said that we were going to walk to Target. We made the walk to and through the store without incident but on the way home the baby began to cry. A mile from our house, . surrounded by office buildings, a gas station, and a dry cleaners there was only one thing that would soothe my colicky baby when he cried. Suddenly nervous and flustered, hot and sweaty, I sat on a low concrete wall dividing a grocery store parking lot from the sidewalk and nursed at a very busy intersection – at rush hour. I was so anxious that I had trouble getting a good flow of milk which only made Thomas cry harder. I didn’t want to be there nursing for all of Pasadena to see, so I attempted put a blanket over myself but trying to cover up only added to our frustration. Parenthood requires you to do lots of things you don’t want to do and after nearly coming to tears myself, I womaned up, put my feet up on the stroller, handed the blanket to Jeff, and nursed my nearly inconsolable little baby. As I relaxed, he drank and drank, eventually falling into milk-drunk stupor, and all was well. Five and half years and three children later I have now, of course, nursed in public more times than I can keep track of: countless times in Target alone, all over the Happiest Place on Earth, walking around the grocery store, with a baby in a sling, on the beach, at the mall, at the park, sitting on various sidewalks throughout the city, in restaurants, during toddler music classes, while watching Theo do gymnastics, on trains and airplanes. And I while I always make an effort to nurse discretely, often wearing two shirts to expose the minimum amount of skin, I never, ever, nurse with a cover or a blanket. Not because I am an exhibitionist but because I am a mother with a hungry baby and a mother nursing her baby is normal.
I can’t decide whether or not to be pleased by all the media coverage of public nursing – hoping the coverage will remind more people that breastfeeding is normal and encourage more nursing mothers – or dismayed that it is even a newsworthy topic at all. To me it’s a little bit like having a debate on breathing in public. We should remember that in the absence of physical issues a new mother will produce milk and lactation will begin – nursing a baby is a normal, necessary function. When people grow up in an environment where they see mothers nursing tiny babies every hour, mothers nursing a hungry six month old who doesn’t yet eat anything else, mothers soothing a tired toddler – both at home and in public – we normalize nursing better than any media attention ever could. When people are exposed to the full spectrum of nursing they understand, intrinsically, that babies can’t be made to nurse only when “in private” and the debate about public nursing ceases to exist. I am lucky that I grew up and live in an environment where breastfeeding is normal and expected. I can’t give that environment to every new mother, but I can keep sitting down, putting my child to my breast, and feeding her – whenever and wherever she needs.
July 2nd, 2012 at 3:25 am
YES!!!! I was so stressed by trying to nurse #1 baby when I was outside of my living room, it was awful. With #2 baby I was forced to come up with a solution, though he made it easier by being a better nurser. The first several weeks, I used a cover the whole time because he was small and things weren’t neat. Then, just a cover to get started and off it came (if he didn’t remove it first!). I think the cover actually made me more conspicuous since it was often flapping in the breeze or he was batting it around. Now we are always coverless, I have arranged my post-baby wardrobe around nursing so that it includes several tops and wrap sweaters that offer easy access and modesty. Stress about nursing in public was a huge thing for me the first time around and I regret that my memories of that time are colored by that.
And I will add that the whole time I was stressed about nursing in public with baby #1, I would have agreed that nursing in public should be hidden or covered. After a great deal of reflection, after observing several friends nurse babies and toddlers without covers and having baby #2, I realized that my feeling that nursing should be covered up was 100% based on my own prudishness. That even as a nursing mother, I was uncomfortable with any association with breasts – nursing was no different nasty cleavage in magazine ads or whatever. If someone is uncomfortable with seeing what is in your picture that accompanies this post (note – what exactly is exposed?), then the objection can only come from connecting nursing to one’s feelings about sexualization of breasts. If you remove that from the discussion, there can be no reason left to object except silliness like that lovely one people bring up from time to time about people not peeing in public so why should they be able to nurse. As if they are remotely the same thing?
I’m sure my comments will annoy some folks and sorry to do that on your blog Gina, but it’s really true. Let’s all say it together – Americans are prudes who can’t tell the difference between sexual exploitation of women, toilet functions, and nursing a baby.
July 2nd, 2012 at 12:30 pm
Oh, I miss having a warm, snuggly baby to nurse =(.
July 3rd, 2012 at 7:35 am
Gina I know you Tony and Sara were much better babies because Mom Breast fed you guys, I not sue maybe it was more the norm for mom. It has never bothered me and there is alot more for the purdes as Karen said to worry about in ads, billboards, and on TV and the movies for them to worry about.
Saw this on the internet: No I was not surfing this came up on MSN home page today and after reading your blog thought I should post
10 Surprising Reasons Why Breastfeeding Rocks
No, it’s not just you — everyone really has been talking about breastfeeding lately. Think you’ve heard it all? Think again. We asked board-certified lactation consultant Dawn Cedrone to weigh in on the most surprising pros to nursing, and we’re pretty amazed by what we heard. Read on for what she had to say (and get ready to think of your boobs in a whole new light).
1. You’ll feel far less crazy (we promise!)
A study of new mamas found that those who breastfed their babies showed far less anxiety at one month postpartum than those who didn’t. Here’s why: Breastfeeding (plus skin-to-skin contact with baby) causes an increase in two key hormones — oxytocin and prolactin — which help lower your blood pressure and the stress hormone cortisol. “This will lead to lower levels of anxiety, stress, and fatigue in new moms,” says Cedrone, who also owns the consulting firm NewBornMom Breastfeeding Solutions in Livingston, NJ. What’s more, Cedrone adds that a recent Australian study found that breastfeeding mamas actually spend more time in deeper levels of sleep than those who bottlefeed. (And as most moms know, a good night’s sleep is a sanity saver in and of itself in those first few months with baby.) ( TELL ANNA THIS SHE NEEDS TO HERE THIS AND SLEEP MORE)
2. It lowers the risk of childhood cancers
“The immune-stimulating and increased antibody effects of breast milk have some amazing protective properties,” says Cedrone. In fact, formula-fed babies are eight times more likely to suffer from a childhood cancer than babies who are breastfed for longer than six months. What’s more, a 1989 study showed that even babies who breastfed for just one month lowered their risks of developing one of the two major forms of childhood cancers — acute myeloid leukemia and acute lymphoblastic leukemia — by 21 percent.
3. …And breast cancer in mamas!
According to research, if women who breastfed for less than three months were to stick it out for 4 to 12 months, breast cancer among premenopausal women could be reduced by 11 percent. And if they stayed with it for 24 months or longer, those risks could be cut by nearly 25 percent. How come? Believe it or not, no one’s really sure. “Some researchers feel that the engorgement caused by not breastfeeding actually changes the breast tissue, which is what increases the risk of developing breast cancer,” says Cedrone.
4. Smart kids rule
Studies show that breastfed babies have significantly higher IQs in adulthood than babies who didn’t breastfeed — even after adjusting the stats for differences between groups and mom’s educational and social class. “Although, some suggest that emotional, social, and attachment factors all affect these increased scores,” says Cedrone. “Just look at the chemistry of breast milk: It has cholesterol, DHA, and other good fats that are known to insulate the nerve linings in the developing brain.” In addition, breast milk boasts the special sugar galactose, which is known for being essential in brain tissue development.
5. You could save on braces
The longer you breastfeed, the lower the likelihood that baby will suffer from malocclusion — a fancy word for misalignment of the teeth and dental arches. According to Cedrone, the sucking action baby makes when transferring the milk from the breast into his mouth is a natural motion that promotes proper oral development (i.e., well-formed teeth and jaws). Translation: Breastfeeding baby could mean fewer trips to the dentist are in your future (or at least lower dental bills!).
6. It cuts down on childhood obesity
Breastfeeding has long been tied with reducing the rate of childhood obesity, regardless of mom’s diabetes or weight status. The connection? Docs peg this on the vast differences in the amount and kinds of fat found in breast milk as opposed to formula. Plus, according to Cedrone, “A breastfed baby is in full control of the rate — and perhaps more importantly — the volume of his feedings, as well as their consumption of calories.” This self-regulation is key for baby to learn early in life and is what contributes to the self-regulation needed later on to control their own weight.
7. It cuts down on allergies and other ailments
Asthma, influenza, diarrhea, allergies, and eczema are all way less common in breastfed babies. And you can thank those glorious breast milk antibodies again for that, which act to protect baby against all respiratory and gastrointestinal ailments. “Breastfeeding your baby for a minimum of six months — as the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends — also delays the introduction of potentially allergenic foods, such as cow milk and soy protein,” adds Cedrone.
8. It saves lives — and government money!
Get this: A 2010 study found that if just 90 percent of US mamas breastfed exclusively for six months, an estimated 900 babies (who would otherwise die of preventable diseases) would live. What’s more, economists estimate the United States would save somewhere in the ballpark of $13 billion per year on healthcare costs. Yep, $13 BILLION.
9. Did we mention it’s free?
Government savings aside, breastfeeding your baby can’t help but save you big time too. In fact, formula supplies can cost close to a whopping $2,000 — for just the first six months. Plus, the money you save on formula could be spent on other things that burn a hole in your pocket — like all those diapers you’ll be changing.
10. You’ll fit into your skinny jeans faster.
Listen-up mamas: Just the simple act of producing breast milk will burn you an average of 500 calories a day. (“That’s about two to three hours of walking at a normal pace,” notes Cedrone.) So if you’ve ever secretly wished there was a workout that could be achieved without moving a muscle, consider this the answer to your prayers. “Breastfeeding helps the uterus shrink back to its pre-pregnancy size, which helps your tummy regain its shape faster,” explains Cedrone, who goes on to add that moms who breastfeed exclusively tend to lose more weight, have a lower body fat percentage, and (bonus!) have slimmer hips after baby comes.