Mendolonium

It has recently come to my attention that my little boy Thomas is not so little anymore.  He has been convinced for quite some time that he is a “big boy”, however I remained skeptical.  But the mounting evidence now leaves no doubt: he rides his bike to the park, uses words like “fortunate” and “awful” correctly in sentences, rarely naps (no more often than Jeff or I do), can adeptly work the DVD player, knows the difference between mixing and folding when baking, and most importantly pees standing up.  And in just over one year he will be eligible to attend school in California.  Due to his November birthday he has the option of beginning kindergarten in fall 2011 at age 4.75 or in fall 2012 at age 5.75.  We are not sure yet what timing will be best for him.  He is clearly ready academically now (as he enjoys working through 1st grade level activity books), however, it remains to be seen when he will be ready for the social and organizational aspects of formal schooling.  There are many advantages to sending him early if he is ready – making sure he is challenged and engaged and eliminating one year of expensive childcare in particular.  Pasadena Unified School District has “school choice”, essentially a system under which parents may enter a lottery system to opt out of  their zoned neighborhood school to attend a school of their choice.  In our case,  the school that we are assigned to, Jefferson Elementary School, is one of the lowest performing in the district.  It is highly unlikely that we will be comfortable sending our children there.  (I do plan to tour the school;, however, keeping an open mind.)  The lottery for the fall 2011 school year will be held in February 2011 – nine short months away.  As such I have begun the process of touring potential schools to see if one or more might meet our needs for the boys’ education.  There is no guarantee that Thomas will win a lottery spot in  a school of our choice so to hedge our bets we are also considering private school and even homeschooling.  I will likely be touring up to a dozen schools over the next six months so to organize my thoughts I have decided to dedicate a blog post to each tour.  I also hope that this information might be of use to other parents in our situation.  That said, I will preface my thoughts with two caveats:  1) the observations presented here were gleaned from an approximately 2 hour tour.  I did not observe every classroom nor personally interview the teachers (who were hard at work with the students) and 2) every family’s needs are different and that parents considering exercising their choice option should tour the schools for them self.  Without further adieu I present:

Longfellow Elementary School

Longfellow is a relatively large (~550 student), ethnically diverse, pre-K through 5 elementary school, located in Pasadena’s oldest (1912) school building.  It is a large school with classrooms on three floors (1st, 2nd, and a basement) and a separate smaller building.  It is, in fact, so large and enrollment in Pasadena schools has declined such that there are a number of empty classrooms (primarily in the basement).  The classrooms are relatively small, but my historic minded eye enjoyed that they had wood floors, transoms, and some fine molding.  The school was clean, organized, and in good repair.  I can only imagine the school would look spectacular if given a truly historic face lift, stripping off the layers of paint on the woodwork, restoring the auditorium, replacing the lighting with something less industrial florescent.

Pros:

• The closet public school to our house, 0.6 miles; a pleasant 15 minute walk.
• The principal personally lead the tour.  She was clearly passionate about working with children and had a great deal of pride for the school.  In particular, I was impressed that she knew every student’s name who we came in contact with.
• The school has implemented a program of “individual learning plans” (ILPs) for each child.  The ILP is modeled on the IEP, used for special needs children.  The ILP sets forth for each student an individualized goal for language arts, math, and other (could be social, organization, communication, etc.).  The ILP includes information on what the student and teachers can do in school to accomplish each goal and what the student can do at home to work towards their goal.  I saw the ILPs taped to each student’s desk and I liked the focus on individual needs in a large school.
• The kindergarten (and pre-K) classes were located in their own small separate buildings.  The building has it’s own separate, brand-new playground which is quite nice with dinosaur themed play equipment, a bike path, bikes, sand, and a cheerful mural.  It looked like a very happy place for a child.
• I was impressed by the writing ability of the students we observed.  Two of the K and the 1st grade class we observed were working on worksheets and I was surprised at the level of the students’ writing (the K were writing simple sentences, the 1st graders words such as “wrong”, “wring”, and “write”).  This is particularly impressive given that approximately half the kindergartners come from homes where English is not the primary language spoken.  It appeared that the school was making a great effort to bring all students up to a proficient level of reading and writing as quickly as possible.
• The school uses a simple, “old-school” phonics-based learn to read approach
• There were clearly some excellent teachers at the school.  In particular, we observed a 2nd grade classroom where the teacher was animatedly reading a story to the class (who all sat comfortably) on a rug on the floor.  The students were fully engaged, asking questions, laughing, and answering readily.  It was a pleasure to watch.
• The school had a small, but lovely inviting library, staffed (even with next year’s budget cuts) 6 hours a day by a librarian.  The library is open at lunch and recess for students to enjoy.  The principal reported that the library is so popular among the students during these times that a sign-up sheet has to be posted to keep the number of students inside at any given time reasonable.
• The school has a GATE program beginning in 3rd grade which consists of “enrichment” work with clusters of students in their regular classroom.
• Special education services (speech, help with reading/learning disabilities) are available in the school.
• In my opinion (I am strongly opposed to large amounts of homework), a reasonable amount of homework: 30 minutes per day at the K/1st grade level (for the average student), increasing to up to an hour a day for an average 5th grader.
• The school is very diverse ethnically and socioeconomically.
• The school offers a “teacher choice” program wherein parents may observe the classes and then request a teacher for the upcoming school year.  The principal said that they are able to grant 80% – 90% of requests.
• Renovation of the cafeteria and some outdoor spaces is planed for next year (using measure TT bond funds).

Cons:

• The nominal school day (Tuesdays – Fridays) is 7:45 am – 2:15 pm.  This appears to be a systemic issue in public schools in California.  Many studies have shown that children naturally operate on a later schedule – particularly as they get older (pre-teen and teenagers).  The early schedule will be a challenge for us.  Rare is the day that Thomas is even awake before 8:00 am.  He and I are not morning people.
• On Mondays school is shortened to 7:45 am – 12:15 pm.  This is a Pasadena-wide policy (apparently other local school districts all have a “short” day).  I think this is utterly ridiculous and extremely difficult for working parents to manage.
• There are some very large class sizes which will be increasing with the reduced school funding for next year.  K will be at 1:25 next year.  4th or 5th grade may go as high as 1:37.  There are no aides.  Again, this is something we are going to find at nearly every public school in California.
• We observed three of the four kindergarten classes (the fourth was in the library) and they looked nothing like the kindergarten of my youth.  The students were all intensively working on reading/writing.  There was not a single toy visible in any of the K classrooms.  The K classes seemed overly academic for a group of five and six year olds.  I asked about opportunities for play and free-choice and the principal said (somewhat sympathetically) that “that isn’t the way kinder is anymore”.   Viewing the kindergarten classrooms left me feeling a bit sad.
• I observed one kindergarten teacher walking around the classroom of students doing worksheets, giving out general praise (“Good job”), but never seeming to stop and actually look at what a student was doing.  She seemed disengaged.  I later saw the same teacher at recess, chatting with another adult on the side of the playground – not engaged with the kids.
• There is no art, music, or PE teacher.  Art, music, and PE are integrated into the regular curriculum.
• We observed one teacher (3rd grade) who was, in my opinion, acting inappropriately.   The students were studying tall tales and as such had their textbooks open to the story of Johnny Appleseed.  Rather than read the story to them or with them the teacher was using a CD to read the story (provided by the book’s publisher I am sure), pausing every paragraph or so to discuss.  It was disturbing how technology was pointlessly taking the place of the teacher.  The stop and start nature of the story would have driven me (and I am sure it would Thomas) nearly mad.  The teacher then went on to illustrate tall tales and exaggeration by making up a story about “Jack Nicholson and Audrey Hepburn siting together at Lakers game.  Then telling the student that a tabloid might use that information to tell a tall tale that Jack and Audrey were dating.  She then went on to ask the students if Jack and Audrey were taking vacations together, would it then be a fact that they were dating.  Using celebrity dating as a teaching example to students is, quite bluntly, uneducated and inappropriate.
• I have concerns about the exact nature of the GATE program.  It has been my experience with different versions of GATE that some are truly enriching, while others just mean more work.  I am skeptical of a program that offers no additional specialized instruction.  If we consider Longfellow, I will need to obtain more information on the specifics of their GATE program.
• No way in hell Thomas will be eating the “hot lunch”.  They were serving sausage pizza, milk, and some sort of treat.  Nary a fresh fruit or vegetable in sight.  It neither smelled nor looked appetizing.  Again, I think this is unfortunately pretty standard for public school.
• The after school care offerings were disappointing to say the least.  There are two programs, “Parks and Rec” a drop-in, rather unstructured program, and “Pasadena Learns” a five day a week, 3+ hour a day program under which students are not permitted to participate part-time (i.e., they must stay the full 3+ hours every day).  Neither of these programs will work for my part-time work schedule and I would not feel comfortable working full time and forcing Thomas into another 15 – 20 hours of what is, basically, low-quality school at the end of every day.  We will have to find another option.

Overall, my first tour of a Pasadena elementary school was better than I had anticipated.  Pasadena is a district with a significant population of students from very low income backgrounds; many of whom English is not their  first language.  Despite this, you would not of know it to look at the Longfellow students and their work; I was impressed by what I saw.    Overall, I felt that Longfellow would provide a solid education in the fundamentals, however, there was a sense of rigidity and institutionalism at the school that gives me pause.  I hope that school will instill in my children not only the ability to read and write technically well, but to think critically, ask questions, and explore their passions.

Long ago I made Thomas macaroni and cheese to which I added shredded carrots and peas (both from our backyard).  The first time I served it to him, he complained when he realized that the carrots were, in fact, a vegetable, not simply additional grated cheddar cheese as he had assumed.  I insisted that macaroni and cheese contained vegetables (Not only is it healthier, that’s the way I like it and since I do the cooking that’s the way it is).  We recently pulled our pea plants and used up the last of the frozen peas so that when I made macaroni and cheese last week there were no peas to be had to put in it.  In typical three year old fashion, is rather insistent about routine and complained loudly when he was served macaroni and cheese with only carrots.  I went to add peas to my grocery list for next time, but then I stopped remembering the bright flavor, the firm texture, and the fresh green smell of the peas straight off of the vines in our backyard.  In compassion the frozen grocery store peas are mushy and flavorless.  I decided then and there that we shall  buy no more sad grocery store peas.  They may have been grown in season, but eating them is not an enjoyable nor sustainable choice.  Long ago I committed to buying to only local fresh produce, but upping the ante to only in season, local produce – period:  no out of season fruits or vegetables unless I preserved them myself.  After I explained that the peas were no longer growing, reminding Thomas how we had yanked out all the pea plants together, he accepted the loss of the “green balls” and happily ate his carrots, macaroni, and cheese.  I realized contentedly that in his world it is normal for a kid living in the city to grow all their own tomatoes, to play in the compost, and accept that we only eat peas in the wintertime.   I started doing the Independence days challenge for our food security and sustainability but as the kids get older I am really seeing how important my actions are in influencing the next generation.  After lunch Thomas and I lamented the loss of the peas once again, but then excitedly began to discuss what food treasures awaited us this summer:  peaches, melons, blackberries, and tomatoes – just as it should be.

This past week we’ve:

Pant something:

• Tomatoes (tiny little seedlings started from seed)
• Cannelloni Beans (from seed)
• Cucumber (Marketmore 76, from seed)

Harvest something:

• Leeks
• Strawberries (just a few)

Preserve something:

• 14 half-pints of blackberry jam

Waste Not:

• Organized our garage so that we can find what we need, rather than buying new.
• Gave away unwanted items for free on craigslist rather than throwing them away to be sent to the landfill.

Want Not:

• Received a surprise gift of 8 lbs of strawberries, 7 lbs of blueberries, and 5 lbs of blackberries.  Probably $150 worth of berries, for free!  Better than Christmas!
• Ordered two 55 gallon water storage barrels and an emergency siphon, to store water in case of an earthquake or other disaster.

Eat the food:

• Eating leeks in everything.
• Tried a new empanada recipe, which I didn’t like.  It makes me very cranky to make bad food, but I suppose you have to weed through the bad to get to the good.

Build community food systems:

• Signed up to take a class to become a certified California “food safety manager”.  This is the first step in my opening a food-related small business, teaching sustainable cooking classes and food preservation to the community.

What have y’all been planting/preserving/organizing/eating in this glorious spring weather?

Sometimes I wonder why I have sacrificed a successful career to work part-time to stay home two days a week with my children.  And then I have the following gem of a conversation with Thomas over our morning snack:

Thomas:  “Is D’artganan* bones yet?”

Me: “I don’t know.  He’s probably getting there.”

Thomas:  “Should we give him to the tar pits museum or to the Natural History Museum?”

Me:  “What…?”

Thomas:  “You know.  After we dig up his bones and put them back together…should we give him to the tar pits museum or to the Natural History museum?”  He pauses for a moment, contemplative and oblivious to my stunned silence and continues, “I think the Natural History museum, because house cats aren’t extinct yet.”

Me:  “That’s very good reasoning, but I have to be honest with you.  I don’t think the Natural History Museum will want him.  House cats are very common.  They probably aren’t interested.”

Thomas, now frowning:  “Well then I guess we could put him in the front yard or in my room…”

Me:  “Thomas.  We’re not going to dig up D’artagnan and assemble him in the house.  Once pets and people** are dead they stay buried.”

Thomas, looking at me skeptically:  “I’ll ask Daddy.”

It might have been a macabre conversation, but I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.  And the truth be told, having his skeleton re-assembled and admired as a fine specimen of house cat would have suited D’artagnan.  He did think quite highly of himself.

*Our very loved, very deceased cat who is buried six feet under in our backyard.

**I threw that one in there knowing that he would start planning to put me on display if I didn’t mention that people are also off limits.

“Make sure you take care of the older child first.  The baby won’t remember being ignored, but the older child will.”

Probably the most oft given advice to parents expecting their second child.  And quite possibly the biggest, stinking, steaming bullshit pile of advice I have ever been given.

Thomas, Jeff, and I are each the oldest child in our families.  When I was pregnant with Henry I wondered how our new baby, our second child, might feel about his place in our family as he grew up.  In many ways he would have a fundamentally different experience as compared to his older brother.  Henry will never be the “only child” – over his life our focus will always be divided between two (or more) children.  Yet Henry has the benefit of more experienced, relaxed  parents.  I vowed that, to the maximum extent possible, I would not treat either child differently based on their birth order.  Thomas would not be made to grow up faster simply because he was going to become a big brother.  The new baby would never be “ignored”.  I even went so far as to ask Jeff’s younger brother if, as a second child himself, he had any advice for us.  I remember thinking about our new baby and how deeply I loved him – I couldn’t bear the thought of him ever feeling neglected.

It was easy to make a promise while pregnant, when balancing two children meant telling Thomas he needed to wait a few minutes for a story while a morning sick Mama threw up her breakfast in the kitchen sink.  One year into Henry’s life, I still feel as if most days I am almost physically split in two:  one half of me constructing Lego creations named “Helicopter Ski Face” with Thomas, while the other half of me sprints after a bored Henry seeking out the dog’s water dish.  The truth is, while love might be infinite, time and attention are not.  Thomas is often getting half of the attention that he was prior to Henry’s birth.  Henry is getting about half as much one-on-one attention as Thomas did at the same age.  But no one is getting ignored – most certainly not the baby.  Neither boy will consciously remember how we always picked them up when they stretched out their little arms to us, how we helped them back to sleep each and every time they woke up, how we celebrated their every milestone.  But I believe that the things we do for our children are as important from day one as they are on day 1000.  It isn’t about making a memory, but about making a bond between us.

We all have our needs and in a family we all help each other get them met.  Henry’s cries are always answered – just as his brother’s were before him and his hypothetical siblings will be after him.  Thomas requests for a cuddle and a story are always honored.  I try to keep the boys playing quietly while Jeff is catching up on some much needed sleep in the morning.  Jeff  takes care of the boys while I exercise.  It’s important for them to realize that grown-ups have needs too.

Lately keeping both boys happy and engaged at the same time has become easier.  This week when Thomas and I sat down to build a Lego tower, Thomas spontaneously offered to “build one for Henry to destroy first”.  I smiled and hugged them both.  They may not remember but I think they’ll both know that in our family no one will ever be ignored.

Tell me about bad advice that you have received?